DIVING
My journey through the program has been a roller coaster. I have had many ups and downs in many areas of my life and my denials have been just sputters on the tracks of my roller coaster, pauses in motion, a view of the now, and through my program, it has been the most powerful place for me to be. It gives me an opportunity to stop and look at all the areas in my life. I realize each time that in order to continue on my journey, to ease the tension on my tracks, I have to change something, lighten my load, and stop the resistance in order to keep my tracks smooth. I chose out of Focus for the first time, and it was my biggest challenge I had to overcome, it was a changing point as well. At times, I have felt myself wanting to give up. I found myself finding no purpose in the program, no value from its lessons. In that, I had no motivation. If there is no value, what is there to work for? If I have learned all there is to learn, why waste my time? I was moving through the motions, moving in a body, but not living through life. Doing the motions to do the time. I convinced myself the things I have to offer were not seen or appreciated, and the things I find here cannot make me happy. In turn, I truly was not happy. I did not feel like my voice meant anything and I held everything in. I did not see the power in expressing myself, so I did not, and with all this I was just walking the earth, but without rainy days, the sunny ones would mean nothing. As I realized how unhappy I was and the crap I was sitting in, I had to make a choice. I had to decide what was more important to me, staying safe and letting fear run me, or surrendering. Just like when I chose out of Focus, I realized that it was not worth it to keep living my life through fear to protect myself. If I want to be happy and want all of my desires, I would have to surrender, I would have to choose to do things that scared me, things that made me uncomfortable, and things I did not want to do, and I knew in the end it would be worth it. In order to surrender I would have to relive Focus and dive. Each time I dive it becomes a little bit easier, and each time I jump, I learn one more thing that helps me realize I can be happy. Something that has opened my eyes to my greatness and my power was something a man I respect greatly said to me, “Feedback is not your diamond, it is the layers built up around your diamond.” At that moment, I realized what I was doing, how I was pushing everyone away and running from all my problems. I was taking feedback to heart, beating myself up over the feedback I received about what was not working for me and blinding myself from all my greatness. Blinded from my greatness and built up with all my layers, there was no way my journey on my roller coaster could keep moving. When I realized I am all the awesome things I tell myself, and some of the actions I make do not work for me, but that does not change who I am, then I was ready to deal. I was then able to conquer my fears that held me back and I was able to dive. In order to embrace all my power, I had to dive many times. This involved me opening up to my family, my sisters, my mom, my chaperone’s, everyone! That was a high dive. I had to let go of my fears, let go of my expectations, and let go of pre-made beliefs. My results were something different. I benefited from the responses, I connected with other people, and in turn the people around me and we created closer relationships and learned from each other. i have also taken on this essay as well as a few others to express and enhance my growth. Each time I share with someone, each time I express myself, I lose a little bit of my layers and I ease the tension and resistance that much more, and slowly but surely my tracks become smoother and my roller coaster stops sputtering and as I move forward and I finally reach the top, it is just one more opportunity to dive.
BRIANA C.
CURRENTLY ENROLLED
DARRINGTON ACADEMY
Posted on December 21st, 2007 by admin
Filed under: STUDENTS
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