SHE WAS ALMOST 18
Out of shear desperation and fear for her life we took our daughter to Darrington Academy on September 15, 2006. We knew very little about Darrington, or the program, only what we had learned over the past couple of weeks when it became apparent that we had lost control of our daughter’s life and needed some outside help.
She had just turned seventeen and was self-destructing at a terrifyingly rapid pace. We knew if we didn’t take drastic steps fast, we would be facing much worse issues in the near future, including possible death. It was by far the hardest parenting decisions of our lives.
We learned it generally took upwards of 14-to-24 months to complete the behavior modification program. We knew Kelsey was entering the program late at age 17 and there was a good chance she would walk out when she turned 18, before she understood and trusted the program enough to stay and take full advantage of the life changing process.
We were even more concerned when the first few months passed and she appeared to be compliant but not really engaged in the program. In our weekly letters she made it clear she felt she didn’t need this structured school and we were just wasting our money.
Needless to say, we were full of guilt, doubt and concern and were emotionally drained. Soon we learned that the program was not just for the teens, but for the parents too. We attended Discovery and Focus seminars and before long our guilt, doubt and concern was replaced with a feeling of commitment and strength and we had a new found support system.
We knew th teens attended the same seminars and we were hopeful our daughter would experience the seminars in the same life changing way as we did. Soon after she completed Orientation and Discovery she began staffing other seminars and became a hope buddy and push buddy for new teens coming into the program. She was finally learning there was something to this program. She was learning some valuable life lessons and acquiring toosl that she could apply to everyday living. It also was helping to build up her self-confidence and self-worth which she desperately lacked.
Once it was evident Kelsey was experiencing the seminars as life changing, her letters were increasingly positive but still no commitment to completing the program. As we continued working our program we made it clear to her that we were changing and the rules that she would be coming home to were changing as well. Life as she knew it was changing, and now she was faced with making some hard decisions.
More seminars for each of us supported her growth in the program. An open and honest discussion of her exit plan, support from the Darrington Staff and other upper level teens, and her own motivation to finally complete something she started, seemed to be directing her towards finishing the program.
Finally, three months before turning 18, she committed to us that she planned to complete the program. She was quickly learning that it is one thing to acquire the tools, but applying them as an upper level was proving to be quite a challenge for her. She realizes now that staying in the program until completion will make her stronger and more capable of facing her future challenges. She also knows that taking her exit plan doesn’t support her new goals and dreams she has now set for herself.
As parents we are so proud of Kelsey for the efforts put forth and challenges she has overcome, but we are also proud of ourselves for making the necessary changes in our lives that will enable us to have a working family again, regardless of the choices she makes going forward with her life.
Rick and Kim D.
Daughter Kelsey D.
Darrington Academy
Posted on December 3rd, 2007 by admin
Filed under: PARENTS
Dear Rick and Kim:
I just read you story above and I am sure you wrote it for us. Our story is so similar (including the worries about suicide). Our daughter has been in the program since June 1, 2007. She too spent the first few months just being compiant but not really accepting that she was there to stay. Finally by the 4th month her letters started to get a little better without quite as many attempts at placing the guilt trips on us. My biggest concern is that when she comes home that she will be strong enough to avoid the same things that got her into the mess she was in. We are not able to attend the seminars due to finances and other children obligations. We feel extremely guilt about that and would love to be able to attend, but we have had to change our priorities a little due to the cost of Brianna being at Darrington. However, I am talking with a counselor on a bi-monthly basis in an effort to work through the quilt trips that Brianna put on me so that I don’t let those fears rule me when she comes home. I really did not want to talk about it for a long time. But I have made great progress with the counseling. At this point I am ready to talk to other parents who are going through the same thing. For a while I didn’t think anybody else in the world could ever understand what I was going through and the heartbreak I was feeling. I am working on letting those fears go and preparing myself for the little girl (maybe not so little) that I know lurkes inside her. If you have any feed back that you can provide to help me I would be grateful to hear them. More than anything I want to know that some of the things Darrington is teaching her is sticking and that she is still not just being compliant and bidding her time. Her letters are wonderful and full of love. But, and I know it is my problem to deal with, I can’t get rid of my doubts. Is that normal? Brianna is only on level 3 right now so we have not seen her since we took her to Darrington. Perhaps when she reaches the level she needs to be for us to go visit, that may ease my fears a little. Thanks for listening. And, again, any feedback that you or any of the other parents can give me would be so appreciated.
Susan and Mark M.
Daughter Brianna M.
Darrington Academy